Days just aren't getting better!

Well the last few days have been a headache and an emotional one for me. I am realizing that I left a place where I had a good job, good pay, and people that did actually like me. I was selfish! I am now in a place where yes I have my active outdoor activities, family and friends but what I don't have is a job that will pay for my life to continue up here. I am stuck between subbing and an associate job that would be less pay but gaurenteed. I have no clue what to do. I am confused to the point that on my latest rides I zone out for miles on end. I planned on my rides this week only going about 20 or so miles on gravels but so far my rides have been 26, 36, and over 40. I am beyond stressed and need to figure out a solution that allows me to live life here and not be working 24 hours a day. Well I don't know what else to say. I am hoping that my mom's surgury goes good without a hitch. She has been through to much to have a simple surgury be a problem. She is the strongest one in this family by far in what she has gone through and I love her more that can be expressed in these little words. That is about it. OUT!!!!